Alcohol is like Sunshine

I don’t know if I’ve posted this yet but I’m really working on it lately. It’s kind of an older idea that I have been slowly trying to figure out how to make work but not yet to my own standards. So this post may be updated like 3 or 4 times in the next couple weeks.

Anyway. My dad hates me when I start explaining the inner workings of my thinking behind the joke on here and says I should just tell it but I wanted to put that out there. A lot of the ones that I have on my “to develop” list stay in the drafts but this is basically a complete story there’s just so much more to it and I know it and I’ve got to keep the hamsters turning on it until something pops out.

I talk about my disdain for drinking a lot on stage. Well. I love to drink. Actually. I can’t really. Dangerously. Alcohol is like a sunny day. It feels so good, and it makes everything else around you better but you shouldn’t get used to it. The kids are annoying, ah but the sun is shining, kids. Cute. I can put up with it I guess. The kids are annoying. ah but I’ve got a couple beers left. I can put up with this for a little while. Right? Alcohol is like Sunshine. Everyone loves sunshine. but if I start to see it every day. Plants and Animals start dying. So that’s where my relationship with Alcohol ends. I’ve got pretty good self control. but I have a somewhat irrational fear of getting a DUI. I get pulled over sober and think I’m gonna get arrested. I feel like the cops are just looking for every little excuse they can. ANY LITTLE THING. I was following this girl home one time. and a cop pulled me over. Not like that. She knew I was following her. There was just nothing she could do about it. Seriously though. The cop pulls me over because I’m following her and I didn’t stop at the sign all the way. He’s like why didn’t you stop and I’m like. Sorry officer. I’m following my friend home. He’s like “Well I don’t see another car.” I’m like “Yeah. She’s not gonna stop. She’s drunk. NOT the driver. I mean. The passenger was drunk.” and the cop is like “are YOU drunk?” and I’m a rambling mess like “AM I drunk?” I’m trying to explain stuff “No. I was taking her friend to her house. So then I’m dropping her off at her house and then back to her car.” and he’s looking at me like I’m an idiot. I’m like “you know what, just f’in arrest me.”