Motivational Alarm Clock


I didn’t watch the grammys, so you won’t see any jokes about that in here. I was hanging with the family yesterday, so that counts as my blog post. They don’t need me to blog when I’m actually telling them what’s going on in my life. My dad and brother talked business and I just kinda listened in. I think they think I’m disinterested because I don’t talk much. I’m just listening and thinking. It will be my turn one day. I’m confident in that. I feel rich right now. I had a great weekend. I sold 50 CDs in a weekend. At 10 bucks a clip, that’s an extra $500 in my account. Usually that money is spread out over a few weeks or like 2 months. So I don’t notice the impact as much, but when it comes in all at once. whoo baby. Then I go to family dinner and they drop that on the bill. I’m like are you kidding? I can eat for 6 weeks off this. lol. My dad dropped this gem during dinner: “You want it Fast, Cheap, and Good. You can only have two.” Unless you’re buying Meth. Unfortunately the restaurant was only picking one. Good. It took like 3 hours for dinner, and cost a couple hundred bucks.

My brother picked the most expensive restaurant he could find. He is a wonderful guy, but hes changed. He just looks like money now. There’s gotta be a certain swagger juice or some sort of really expensive lotion that young rich people use that makes them glow. Every time I see him, he starts to sound more republican and he’s got a new fancy outfit and stuff. Most rich people seem to turn republican, but I imagine my brother isn’t in it for big business. I think his organic ideals and mistrust for government make up his ideals. He’s more than willing to pay his taxes, he just doesn’t trust them to do anything right with it, so he’ll always look for a way to pay less. He gave me a $100 bill for Christmas. I think he knew it would be for a good cause. At least thats what I told him as I held a gun to his head and said “gimmie all your money.” (jokes). I say young because my dad is technically rich. but he doesn’t look it. I have a hard time imagining him all snappy dressed in designer jackets. I’ve always known him as stained sweatpants and black t shirt guy. Sometimes he dresses up nice, but that’s probably stuff mother bought for him. The key ingredient might be people without kids. I bet once you have kids, it takes a supreme effort to give a shit about designer fabrics and matching scarfs. If I had money, I might just hire a stylist. I’ve always been bad at getting dressed. Maybe I’m just jealous.

Maybe he looks rich because we’re in a fancy dinner place. Or maybe it was his hot wife. That’s gotta be it. No way he can get a hot wife if he didn’t have money. I’ve known him my whole life. Oh, wait, they got married before he got money and he’s actually not a douchebag anymore. I’m running out of excuses.

I was browsing facebook, I saw a photo of someone’s iphone where the alarm clock gives a motivational quote to help you get out of bed. This girl had “If Britney (Spears) made it through 2007, you can make it through today.” What a shitty motivational quote. How does this iphone know I’m not a cokehead? I wonder if anyone’s done coke off an iphone. Is the glass credit card tap resistant? I wouldn’t know. I never did that kind of stuff. That’s a whole other blog maybe. Anyway, Britney was rich in 2007 and shaved her head off because she was drunk off tequila during an awards show. That helps a lot of problems. It creates a whole other list of problems but generally that’s compounded by bad behavior or poor time life skills. Maybe that quote is for the girl who’s about to get drunk and go to work. “You can make it!” My brothers wife is a nurse and said medically a woman’s perfect age for childbirth is 22. Maybe this will convince some of those tri cities girls to hold off for a few more years.

That’s the kind of motivational quotes that most people should need. That doesn’t really help in the morning though. Maybe you go through your day telling yourself “I can’t let anybody knock me up today.” It should just be a screensaver. Constant reminders throughout the day. Or billboards!! Like those meth billboards they have everywhere. “I used to have a daughter, now thanks to meth, I have a prostitute.” or how about this little quip to remind you about the scary things in the world “Rush Limbaugh. Now on FM!” “AHHHHH. IM AWAKE! PLEASE TELL ME ITS A DREAM!”

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