So I joined this online site OKCupid a few months ago (then I went on a long trip, lol, good planning idiot.) I had a few interesting dates and a couple girls that I was sort of messaging back and forth with but then I had to leave so that ended all of those probably. I just logged back on and checked some messages and profiles and had some interesting thoughts. Some people want to fall in love online first before they meet because they sort of have this shame of meeting people online. What’s the point of that? Build this person up in your mind and then be disappointed when they’re not who they make themselves out to be. Some people are just desperate for love. I don’t know how to describe it. Maybe I just am more aware of what that feels like, so I know how to spot it? haha. I’m not desperate for love at all. I’ve been there before probably. The problem is it affects your decision making. If you’re really thirsty, you’ll do anything for a cup of water. You start settling for a dirty cup of water even when you know you shouldn’t be drinking it. Next thing you know, you’re dating a single mom with a drug problem and anger issues just because she’s really hot. This went to a weird place. lol. I’m totally not talking about anyone in particular.

The other phenomenon of online dating that I don’t understand is younger people on there. When I say young, I mean in particular anyone under 21. They put things on their profile like “I’m just looking to expand my circle and meet new people.” GIVE IT A SECOND. You’re 19. In 2 years, your circle is going to become way too big and stretched out and by circle I mean your .. nevermind that’s an awful joke. lol. Alcohol is the ultimate social circle expander. You meet people you never would have at random parties, you go to bars and get wasted with other people looking to “expand their network”. You fall in love with the random guy you share a taxi cab with and if you’re cute you probably get random creepy dudes still messaging you on myspace. Stop being in such a hurry to fall in love. Live your life. Alcohol is social lube.

You’re 19! You’re 2 years from having your standards demolished. You’re 2 years from being just a little too drunk one night and giving your number to a really cute comedian. And who knows, maybe you’ll struggle with alcohol, you’ll get knocked up by some random guy and you’ll feel forced to marry him and then you’ll get divorced because you never loved him anyway. Then you’ll be 26 with a kid and nobody will want to date you. That’s when you should join online dating. You’re 19. If you’re actually pretty and have a somewhat normal life. Give it a second. If you can’t pick up 100 numbers in the mall on a friday, online dating isn’t going to help. Maybe you’re just a loser or a nerd your whole life and have no sex appeal. That’s fine. You deal with the lonliness or you adapt and become someone that people would like to spend time with. You don’t find another desperate asshole and make little loser babies. Adapt and Survive.

That’s probably why Aliens don’t visit this planet. They don’t want to. We’re babying society. Allowing some of the worst people to continue breeding making super loser babies with twice the awfulness of their parents. NASA keeps sending messages into space to contact aliens like a clingy girl on We’re here. Please love us. The aliens are like “ughhh” like I am with this blog post. There’s something more here. I can’t quite get to it. This idea in my head of … RELAX. Live the life and play your cards and once you find out you’ve got a shitty hand trade it in.

Also, I was watching a video of a live concert and it was so annoying that the whole crowd was video recording it on their cell phones. I was going to write about that sometime. Then I saw this:

That’s a man on top of his game right there. Ugh.

Maybe the people who join online dating websites see their 26 year old friends and see what happened to them. lol. Maybe it’s like preventative maintenance on your car. “Look, I’m just gonna check this shit out and we’ll see before I have a meltdown. I don’t want to end up 30 with a baby and alone.” Maybe they’re not desperate, they’re just careful. I want to start an online dating website called “Fight Club” – “Where’d you guys meet?” “fight club” – Same mortality rate. Plus, nobody is allowed to talk about fight club. Fight Club sounds more like marriage.

1st RULE: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB.

2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB.

3rd RULE: If someone says “stop” or goes limp, taps out the fight is over.

4th RULE: Only two guys to a fight.

5th RULE: One fight at a time.

6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes.

7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to.

8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.

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