Chubby Bunny

Well. The experiences with women after shows are getting a little weirder each night.

I’m glad I didn’t go to the strip club. It’s not me. Just because I’ve got a little extra money right now, doesn’t mean I need to stop being careful with my money and spend it like I got nothing better to do. Shit could happen any day and I’ll be pissed I wasted money at a strip club. Even when I went last time, I got a story out of it, but I didn’t spend any of my own money. So as long as other people are paying for bad decisions, I’m down.

Tonight after my show a bigger girl approached me and said I was “pretty fuckable” – I kinda laughed but she wasn’t joking. I was in the middle of talking to a kid who started doing standup in Idaho. He asked me for advice, I talked for like 20 minutes.

She wasn’t bad looking really, but I’m skinny, big girls don’t really work for me. Plus, I drive a corolla, not a lot of leg room. I kinda insinuated she should go back in the show and maybe she’ll get lucky and I’ll hang out after. She sounded confident she could convince me. As much as sometimes it might seem my life lately has revolved around just trying to get some action. I don’t normally do it. I’m sure that sounds like an empty excuse. but I like going back to the room, working on jokes, writing ideas, and talking with friends, but sometimes I’ve gotta live a little. Also, it’s happened plenty of times where I’ll just go hang to see if anything interesting happens because my life is pretty boring, I just happen to actually be blogging about them now.

Also, those are the more interesting stories that happen every night at shows. So it’s like what should I talk about, oh this crazy chick insulted me and then tried to screw me. Then this crazy lesbian. Now the big girl. Who knows if I would have actually screwed that lesbian chick if she was straight or if she got some other girl. but it’s fun to at least pretend. Half the reason I agreed to let her find a threesome is because I didn’t even think it would get close to happening and I would get a hilarious story out of it. Clearly I was right. The joke was on me though. Or my face. Nobody wants to hear about “I did my show, every joke worked, except here are the things I’m working on tweaking. I watched the tape. Here’s the thing I did and blah blah.” you want to know what it’s like. The life. Save the blogs about comedy for when nothing interesting happens. Don’t worry, I go home soon. Nothing exciting ever seems to happen when I do local shows.

I text my friend and told him he immediately wrote back and said “DO IT!” I said “She’s not even that cute.” he said “I DONT CARE!”, I said “You’re drinking.” he said “Shhh” What a goof. Anyway, they ended up leaving early and decided not to hang out. Some random dudes tried to fight them. I don’t know what happened. I was just watching like I obviously can’t help this situation. Two tables didn’t agree with each other in the back of the room and the argument spilled into the lobby while I was out there. A few punches got thrown. The girl made another comment on her way out “That’s too bad. Cute and fuckable.” okkk.

My friend wrote me later “Whatcha doin?” I said “Not her. She left.” which I guess made it easier to say no without hurting anyone’s feelings. Although I’ve heard bigger girls give great blowjobs (because they have to) or because they’re used to having things in their mouth. I don’t want to have to find out. By the way, can I toot my own horn just a little bit? I love this blog title. Get it? Follow the rabbit. haha. I’m so funny. Never follow the chubby bunnies. Someone should pay me to tell jokes. Anyway, here’s 2 in one day to make up for bad wifi. Maybe I’ll keep going or slack off tomorrow because I wrote 2 in a row. Or maybe nothing interesting will happen. Yeah right.

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