A weekend in Cadillac, Michigan
When I booked this trip, I started with a whole month of March. Then I added on Oklahoma and had a week open inbetween. I thought I would try to add on some shows the week after and just drive the whole thing. I ended up only getting one gig. Although I got a few rejection emails, which is a step up from them just ignoring you. I can appreciate that. So I had some time off, did open mics at a couple clubs I don’t work and hoped they would hire me in the future. I also hung out at Morty’s Comedy Joint in Indianapolis and hosted for my friend Crag Gass on a Thursday night.
Then it was off to Cadillac, Michigan for one night. (Actually, it was the town 11 miles north of Cadillac.) but either way. It’s odd that they named the town Cadillac because nobody in that town can afford one. Nobody even drives one. They’re all pickup truck people. What are you gonna name your next town? Dentist visits? There’s a town in Michigan called Pontiac too. Way to name a town after something nobody else wants. Tourism must be booming. Anyway, it’s a bar gig, so you know something was going to go wrong and just like a real Cadillac, I wasn’t going to be able to fix it. Audience members started yelling at me and it just became quite a shit show very quickly. I wanted to treat it like an old car that needed fixing and kick things but you can’t do that with people apparently.
I did a couple minutes of material, that went alright. People kept talking and yelling at me, so I engaged them. I started making fun of the people. That seemed to make them laugh more. Some guy said my hair would “turn 50 shades of grey by the time I got a laugh.” – I told him he was just jealous because I still looked young. I wanted to say “get an erection without pills” but I thought that was too harsh for the first insult. but he laughed at the age joke. So I made fun of their town. Then the guy said that was the best joke all night. I asked why it was funny. They lived in the town. I said you can leave anytime, there’s roads out, if you don’t know, you can follow me after the show. It’s not “the village.” This all went fun.
Then I got back to material, people lost interest and started heckling me again. Yadda yadda. I went back to my motel. Took me 20 minutes to figure out how to turn the heat on. A light switch. Imagine that. I couldn’t find my phone because I brought the sleeping back from my car into the hotel room and then I got up and it sank into the bed somewhere. I looked for it and then I was like someone will text me or call me soon. Then nothing happened. So I posted on facebook: “I can’t find my phone, someone call me? Actually, I’m just lonely. Someone call me?” and it got a bunch of comments. Then people started texting me. I had a thought like “Wow, I was making a joke, but I actually enjoy the attention.” lol. I’m so used to not being bothered. I kinda like it. I want to talk to friends about whatever. I want to talk to comics about comedy. I want to talk to my family about anything but comedy.
My dad is always like “You gotta write about your life. Talk about your life on stage. and then I do. and he’s like NOT LIKE THAT!” You need acting classes. You need improv classes. You know what. I need drugs. I discovered comedy and I became a mostly sober comedy nerd (have a drinking blog planned for whenever I write it). I know too much too young. I still have 4 more years before I’m supposed to stop talking about penis jokes. I keep trying to stop now. Then I do a bar show and 4 balls gets the best response and I’m like maybe I should design two different sets. Then I watch great comics with fucked up childhoods and bad habits and I can’t compete. My life is not that interesting. I live in hotels. I watch porn to substitute for real life interactions. I drive a lot. I see weird signs. I have goofy parents who love me. That’s just not funny to everybody. Is it possible to feel like the smartest guy and the dumbest guy in the same room?
I need more of a social life. It’s tough with the touring. I’m texting a few people back home. Trying to keep them interested in me long enough until I can be back in the state. Maybe I’ll do that facebook thing more often. It started as a joke but then I enjoyed the attention because a few friends actually said hello. I discovered this about myself. I want attention, I just don’t want it to be forced. I want you to genuinely want to call me. I don’t want to call someone every day. This is again too much detail for my dad. but if I’m with a girl. I have no problem being “the man” and making a move. but at some point, you’ve got to make a move too. You gotta grab something, or say “do it” or something. You’ve got to give me some signal that this is consensual. We’re both adults. Well you’re still 16 but HEYNOW! lol. (too easy.) but seriously. When do people stop being scared of sex? That’s a whole other rant than I intended for this blog. but I thought about what if I just posted “I can’t find my phone. someone call it.” and then whoever calls me, I’d just strike up a random conversation. Feels like that could be a funny joke. We’ll see.
“Traveling can get lonely sometimes. Or no. Not traveling… What’s the word I’m looking for? Life! Life cant get lonely sometimes. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone and I’ll be like “yeah I’ve been really lonely lately and he’ll like well we should hang out. and I’m like, No that’s not what I meant.”
We should hang out