Rough Childhood – Too Many Disney Movies

I’ve been trying to write this bit for months. I think I got it.


My parents are amazing, they’ve been married for over 30 years. So obviously, I had a real rough childhood. I only got ONE Christmas, and ONE Birthday. 30 years is a long time. I don’t want to say they make it look easy, because they don’t. There were some days where I was rooting for a breakup, like “C’mon not having to live with my brother!” They don’t make it look easy, but they make it look possible. I was talking to my dad the other day and I said “Look, I’m older, I’m mature, you can tell me the truth. Have you ever considered getting a divorce?” and he looks at me dead in the eye and says “Yesterday.” Now he was obviously joking, but I got the point. It wasn’t easy. I used to feel pressured to be in a realtionship because I felt like it was what we were supposed to do. You grow up, you have perfect parents, and you watch Disney movies and you’re like “Oh love is a Magical spell, that can only be broken by eating garlic in a n underwater Castle at midnight or whatever.” I used to wonder when am I going to meet “The One” and now I realize. I meet “The One” ALL THE TIME. It’s not sexy, but love is a decision. You make a choice and you stick with it. Or you don’t and that’s fine too. Enjoy being a sinner. So now I’m 27 and single and I enjoy it. I used to tell jokes about being single and people would come up after shows and be like “aww” and I’d be like “No you missed the point. I’m bragging. this is amazing.” The other day I spent $200 to see a Jay-Z Concert in New York. Because I could. My best friend is in a relationship. The next day when he used his one phone call to catch up with me. We talked about the things we were up to. He spent $200 on Bedsheets. I think I win that one.


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