I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m going to be single until I quit comedy or I’m 45 and lower my standards. but I don’t think they’ve accepted that. My parents don’t know it but they continually pressure me. Because my older brother has been married for 3 years and I’ve been single for 26 years. So every day they look at me like a failure. They ask me all the time, “When are you gonna bring a girl home?” I’m like I dunno. They’re like “Well we wanna meet some of the girls that you meet.” I’m like ahh no you don’t. haha.. I understand that they do it because it was unheard of in their day to not be married by 21 and that’s what they did. but it’s not 1929 anymore. Except the whole recession thing, that’s still the same. Does the cycle continue? Are today’s parents going to hold their kids to their standards? “Son I hear you’re still only on your first marriage. I think the world of you but by the time I was your age I was on number 6 and I had 3 kids. I don’t want to pressure you, but here’s a hooker. and don’t worry about the $. I charged it to the corporate account.”

The other thing my dad keeps bothering me about is kids. He cares less about me having a kid. I don’t think he wants me knocking up a hooters waitress or something, but he kinda laughed the other day and said “well I’ll take one any way I can get at this point.” I can barely take care of myself. Obviously. I’m a comedian. I don’t make that much money. It’s not that I can’t afford an actual kid. I just can’t afford all the alcohol I’m going to need to drink to deal with him if he turns out anything like me.

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