Buying a Car

I just got a new car the other day. Now, full disclosure. I can’t afford a new car. Because Im a comedian and I make like 80 bucks a day. If I’m lucky. So I traded in my old POS – parents paid for the summary of the new cost. but it saves them money in the long run because they were paying for all the repairs when my old car broke down. Now I didn’t intend for that and every time they fixed it, they were like ok. Now you can pay for everything from now on. and I was like “totally” and I would pay for the small stuff. Then it would be like transmission $5000. and I’d be like ‘uhhh… can you spot me? 80 bucks a night, remember?’ My car was falling apart, everything was breaking, everything. One day the sun visor fell off. It got to the point where I was scared to put more than half a tank of gas in it. Because I thought if I had to abandon it on the side of the road, I didn’t want a tank full of premium going to waste. Like suddenly the car would burst in to flames. Fuck. I just bought new tabs.

If you’ve ever been in a car dealership, they can be shady people. They have very interesting tricks to make you think they’re giving you a deal.

Luckily we went to a car dealer who was an advertiser on my dad’s show. Who says you can’t take advantage of good opportunities?

So I’m sure we were given a great deal, and skipped the sales pitch. Especially when my dad shows up like “I have money and I’d like to buy a car TODAY.” the dealers eyes light up.

but it made me think back to the last time I got a car where they did give us the sales pitch. They pull out a sheet of paper and they say “This is how much we bought the car for. This is how much we can sell it for. As you can see, we’re only making $80.”

That’s an awfully big building you bought for only a $80. What are you, blowing the landlord? Your office is bigger than my apartment. I’m a stand up comedian. I know something about only making $80 a night. I can’t afford this big building. Just because you have a piece of paper that says you’re only making $80 doesn’t mean it’s true. I would print up a piece of paper that says I have a really funny joke in here, but I can’t afford a printer because I only make $80 a night.

They are either lying or jacking up the price on your hot wheels.

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