Credit Card Problems

I travel a lot for comedy. (See: one downside is that Bank of America finds it awfully suspicious. Probably because I’m not going to your average vacation spots. It’s not Vegas every night for me. They gotta be watching my credit card bill like: “Who goes to Lansing, Michigan? What is he running from the police? Call him up and make sure he’s still going to pay for that stuff.”

So they freak out once a month and call me with suspicious activity and I have to sit there while they read off my purchases, one by one which gets embarrassing.

“Yeah… that was me. Yep. Bang bros. I know porn is free everywhere. I didn’t really think that through at the time. No they didn’t swipe it twice. I went to Chipotle again that day.”

At the end of the phone call, they always brag about their fraud protection program. “Thanks for your cooperation and just remember, We can go back up to 60 days and take away any suspicious purchases.”

I’m like “Wow. 60 days? You’ll just wipe it all away? Ya know, now that you mention it. All of that looks pretty suspicious. Who goes to Lansing, Michigan? Take that stuff off of there.” Who says no to 2 free months of spending on the credit card?

Ya know what I would do? Fill up my credit card with purchases of my own comedy album. Because I would get all the money, and I wouldn’t have to pay for it. They would never suspect that. “Yes, you’re right, sir. I bought 3000 copies of my own album on itunes. Are you an idiot? I have 300 phyiscal copies I can’t even get rid of.”

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