White (Castle) Wedding


I’ve seen some things that make me question love. I once saw a guy propose to his girlfriend in a hooters restaurant. How do you pull that off? And does she have a sister because I’m down! I love women with no expectations. I think the only way he could pull it off is if he somehow convinced her it was a white trash version of the bachelor. Make it a reality show. She’s in the corner crying like “OMG as soon as he put the onion ring on my finger. I just knew he was the one.” Second of all. How do you get the girl to go to hooters in the first place. It’s not even for you. The wings aren’t that good. If there were the opposite. If there were like a male themed version of hooters. If there was a restaurant called “brokeback steakhouse” you would never see guy’s walking in “Shut up the wings are good.” “Stay away from the t-bone.” “Excuse me sir, do you know if these salads are tossed?”

I was walking around Indianapolis and I went to a White Castle restaurant. The sign outside said “Dining room closed for a private wedding.” – At first I thought Harrold and Kumar were getting married but gay marraige isn’t legal in Indiana. Who gets married at white castle? Clearly you misunderstood when she said she wanted a romantic wedding in a castle.

Even worse. Every year on Valentine’s Day White Castle offers to reserve a candlelit table for two, complete with a server. When you can take a girl to white castle on v-day. That’s love. It makes the me think of a hilarious bit Mike Cummings used to do about working at Denny’s on Valentines day. “If you can take her there. She will let you do anal. Slap her around a little bit. She’s probably into it.”

Still not the most offensive thing I’ve seen in a White Castle Restaurant. I have never tried White Castle before, so while I was in Minneapolis I thought, let’s try it out. See what the hype is about. It was probably one of the most awful things I’ve ever put in my mouth and I’m not gonna tell you what awful things have been in my mouth, but I will tell you a cock has never been one of them. Besides: Those are delicious. Anyway. I was in White Castle they had two flat panel TV screens on news channels. One was on a stock news channel. Stock news tips in White Castle. If you’re eating at White Castle you don’t have money and you’ve already proven you don’t know what to do with the money you have. You’ve already made a bad investment. The returns are gonna be shitty. That’s what should be playing on the TV. “Need help investing? For starters, invest your 7 dollars in a better burger joint because this shit’s terrible. Subway’s only $5. Why don’t you try a subway sandwhich? That at least doesn’t make you vomit.” Investment stock tips in White Castle is like Free condoms at planned parenthood. The people who really need them are never going to show up there.

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