What the F#@$ do we do Monday?

I was watching a comedy documentary with Joan Rivers. She told a story about an agent one time passing along a story from some famous person (I’m great at re telling stories. I can’t remember anything. It all blurs together. I’m already losing my mind.) and they were in a meeting with an agent who was mentioning all the the things they had planned for the next few months. The star said “Never mind the long range, what the fuck are we going to do Monday?” and she still uses that to keep herself busy.

I’ve loved that phrase. I’ve been focused on surviving for so long and I’ve had that tour booked forever. I’ve got the next few months mostly full. Now I just need to work on summer. Now’s the time too. I’ve got nothing on my list of clubs that I know will probably call me (besides the local ones). Every year I kind of expect a few clubs around to call me or that I know I’m in I’m just waiting for a date or whatever. It’s just a hurry up and wait type of business. You’re in a holding pattern. Circle around every few weeks. Whatever. I’ve got a slower month this month. I passed up a few smaller gigs, and my family invited me to hawaii this year all expenses paid. So even though it takes out a weeks worth of work. I’m not bleeding any cash. I’m in a hotel, with my family, where they will pay for stuff.

This month will give me an opportunity to sit in my room with my laptop a lot, send out a zillion emails and get 10 replies and hopefully set up some fun trips for the summer. Hopefully gas prices go back down eventually. Otherwise say good bye to the nest egg I’ve built. Which is the other thing I think I said I would write about in the earlier blog. I had an intense workload the last few months. It paid off. I literally have no idea what I’m supposed to do with my money. I am whats wrong with the economy. I feel like it will disappear at any second. Work will dry up and I’ll be on the corner spinning a cash 4 gold sign to pay my rent. Which is probably fine. Not the cash for gold sign, I mean the worry. As titus says “You’re supposed to worry how the rent is gonna get paid. That’s how the F’n rent gets paid.”

I was thinking of a joke to pitch my CD but it would involve some crowd work which is scary and exciting at the same time. It’s unpredictable. The crowd can go any number of directions. Crowd work can be fun if you limit them. Here’s the idea I came up with last night but was too chicken to try it. Of course this is the perfect situation that will never happen.

My cd is $10, I know times are tough, which is exactly why you should buy it. It’s stimulating the economy. Sir, where do you work? “Unemployed.” Ok bad example. Does anyone have a job? *guy raises hand* Sir, where do you work? “Boeing” Perfect example. You work at Boeing. I’m a comedian. I don’t have $146 million to buy an airplane. But if you and everyone here tonight buys a cd for 10 dollars. Next week I’ll pay my rent and I’ll be like wait a second. I’ve got a lot more money than I realized, let me buy an airplane. That airplane creates a bunch of jobs. Maybe you can hire that guy. Then he can afford to buy my cd, then I can afford to buy another airplane. All of a sudden washington state has tons of boeing jobs. Everyone moves here. More people come to comedy shows. More people buy my cds. I keep buying airplanes. Then I move to Los Angeles because the cd company over there will make them for cheaper and you guys are unemployed again. What I’m trying to say is buy my CD.

In Seattle the easy ones to pick out are Boeing, Starbucks, Microsoft. Right? Here’s the deal, I don’t have $146 for a cup of coffee. but maybe after I pay rent.

Here’s the deal, I have enough money for windows 7 but I don’t have $150 for the anti virus software I need to buy with it.

In theory it should work. It sounds funny in my head. Then again. This happens all the time. The thing about crowd work. It’s an entirely different beast. It requires participation. It can go anywhere. This is what my parents have been bitching at me about for a while now. Take some improv classes. blah. Let me get my feet under me with the writing and performing first. Then we’ll tackle another skill that takes a zillion hours of practice. “What did you think of that middle comedian tonight honey?” “He was very versatile, he played with the crowd a lot. He wasn’t very good at it, but at least his jokes were ok.”

What if a guy says “Radio Host” ? I have an Ipod, you’ll be unemployed in 6 months? He needs your help too. lol.

What if someone says “Veterinarian” If I sell enough CDs, maybe I’ll have enough money to date a famous actress one day, then she’ll have a tiny purse dog that gets infections all the time because her assistant doesn’t know how to take care of it.

The point is. I now have a few dollars to play with to single handedly right this sinking ship. I know some of it is going to T-Mobile next week because I have a 4 year old phone. WHO DOES THAT?

My phone is literally not working very well. It operates as a phone and that’s about it. The N key only works half the time. The other day I wasn’t paying attention to my phone because I was driving and texting. I hit send and I realized I sent a whole message without the N’s. I started sending another message “My phone hates N words.” but that didn’t sound right.

I was in a jimmy johns the other day and a guy who works for T-Mobile came up and said “OMG that thing still works?”

I was thinking about it. Mostly from a promotional standpoint. I want to be the first person to ever directly pay back their unemployment. Consider it a loan. Maybe interest. We’ll have to calculate that out depending how comfortable I get one day. I think that could get me to a new level. If I’m one of these guys that makes 40 or 50k a year someday down the line. I would contact every station and give an interview and promote myself. I hope O’Reilly is still around then. I know I’m probably in the minority of people who used the money correctly and did something. but that doesn’t stop anyone else from using one person as an example. Isn’t that a talking point in politics too? If it helps one person, if it saves one life, than it’s worth it. I feel like I’ve heard that before. Anyway. If that fails, I’ll just tell everyone I’m related to Joan Rivers and try to ride her coattails. The current parental coattails are running out of steam. lol.

 

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