“The Road”

Comics refer to “the road” like it’s a mythical creature. I actually just got a text from a friend the other day, or maybe it was today. I haven’t slept. (We’ll get to why that is in another blog post.) and I’ve been driving a long time. Anyway, my friend sent me a text that said “Hey man, How’s the Road?” and this counts as my reply. because I’m lazy and I can’t just write “good” because it hasn’t all been good. Some of it’s been amazing. Some of it has been awful. and that’s short changing him and blowing him off. When I should really call him and tell him all the shitty and funny stories. The road is taking off for a few weeks, making just enough money to break even hopefully, and getting a shit ton of experiences to write home about. It’s about surviving, having fun, meeting new people, getting new connections, and sometimes just being able to say you did it. It’s almost like a war. You should get a medal of honor when you come home. You should have a jacket with decorations that shows what you’ve survived. Each road experience is almost completely different. Which is why you can’t explain it to someone. It just is the road. It is war. War with an audience of willing and sometimes unwilling patrons.

They all prepare you for each other a little bit, but you’re still pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Sometimes in situations that have no business having a comedy show. Sometimes in different situations than you’re used to. Even a comedy club in Indiana can be a challenge because it’s a republican state. People have a different “norm”. A friend of mine today wrote a joke where he said “I’m an Indiana liberal. I mean, tax the 1% totally, yes, but I still hate fags.” which is a joke and hilarious and 100% not true about his character. but the joke will probably never work in a real stage situation because people are uptight or afraid to admit they secretly agree and get offended because “They’re supposed to.”

So imagine trying to hone your jokes in Seattle’s peaceful, love everybody atmosphere, and then getting to the south where racial equality is also a mythical creature. I haven’t been to the south. Saving that for another time. I’m not afraid. I am afraid, but I’m not afraid of the fear. I’m not afraid to fail. I look forward to it. It gets it out of the way, so I can add the medal to my jacket. I had a comic tell me to get off the road. “The ROAD will EAT YOU ALIVE MAN. IM SERIOUS!” – I was like “HELP ME.” lol. I swear every comic says “You should be doing colleges.” and I’m like “I KNOW. HOW DO I DO THAT?” and then nothing ever happens.

I like driving across the country. I’m a control freak. Even though I know planes are safe and Ive been flying since I was a kid (thank you rich parents). It’s still hard to let go. It’s uncomfortable. Old men touch you in security. and you assume everyone is a terrorist.

Just got to the comedy “Condo” which is actually a house- I’m the MC, I took MC dates as opposed to feature dates so I could get in with the franchise (http://www.loonybincomedy.com/) they have clubs in Wichita, Oklahoma City, Tulsa, and Little Rock. Kansas was on the way to my next club in Denver so the drive made sense. The money sucks but the connection will be worth it. The feature was already here and introduced himself. We talked for a few minutes, he offered me a glass of red wine from his bottle (at one in the morning) I declined and he said “alright. I’m gonna drink till I fall asleep. See ya tomorrow.” and shut his door. Lol.

Nothing much interesting happened on the drive. I did see an interesting billboard for a birthing hospital: “we deliver a lot more than you’re expecting.” – What else is up there? “Congratulations. Its a boy. but wait, that’s not all. You also get a BRAND NEW CAR.” Dumb joke.

I did see something interesting while I was wandering around downtown Indianapolis. White Castle Burgers was closed for a private wedding. Who gets married at a fast food joint? I have a whole seperate blog to write about White Castle, don’t you worry. Just not on 4 hours sleep after a 12 hour drive.

The other pictures are from the bar show I did in Pittsburgh. Comedy is not always pretty. 800 Seat theaters. 300 seat comedy clubs. The corner of a bar in pittsburgh with the TV on behind you. Nice promotion. Chalkboard in the bathroom. To be fair, I’m sure they had my headshot on the wall, but that probably ended up in the toilet. Imagine driving across the country and showing up to see that’s your gig. Whoever decided that’s how comedy should be deserves to be in the Looney Bin, not me.

Forgot one thing. I also saw this in Indianapolis. A chicken limousine. I don’t know what or why. But its amazing.


“Get Clucked Up”


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