Some SCARY Jokes

I had to host a show on Halloween. They asked me to dress up in a costume. Normally I hate participating in things that require money to pull off correctly. But My brother made an awesome lego commercial, and I decided to steal one and use it for costume.

LEGO PEOPLE from Keith Rivers on Vimeo.

Rubbing my titties

So I stole a Lego, cut a hole in front so I could see, and went out to my show. Now I’m not going to just do my regular jokes in a lego costume. So I wrote some one use only jokes (unless you count at the bar later that night where CJ got sick of hearing them. Much credit due to my friend Adam Norwest who came up with a flurry of lego jokes also when I asked for inspiration. the jokes of his that I used will be designated with a * next to them. So now without further adieu; My halloween monologue.

People say Halloween is a sexy holiday. I have to agree. Ever since I put on my costume, girls have been slobbering all over me. It only sucks that they’re only 3 years old. (I should give my dad credit here. I had the joke but it wasn’t funny to me for some reason. He helped word it much better. I immediately lol’d. It’s amazing how a little twist of structure makes all the difference.)

*Some people think I look like the stomach of a Female Dog

*At least now it’s legal for me to play with 12 year old boys

*Someone tried to steal my costume. I was like HEY. EGO my LEGO

I’m hoping to get lucky tonight. My girlfriend and I broke up. Literally.

*this is the closest I’ve been to inside of a box in weeks.

We still see each other but we’re technically seperated.

So if there is any beautiful women in the crowd tonight looking for their missing piece. Come find me after the show. Let’s see if we make a good fit.

I want to see if my parts fit in your holes. I know they’re small but I’m still bigger than brett favre.

The last girl I tried to date was cute but she was such a tease. That’s why my balls are so blue.

*bowing* thank you. Thank you.

By the way. I’ve got a ton of backlogged stories and blog posts to write out but I’m saving them for this weekend. I’ll be in the Tri Cities at Jack Diddleys comedy club and will probably want to write a bunch while there are no distractions around and I’m stuck in a hotel. So expect more delving into my personal life then.

Toodles

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