Red Bull Gives You Wings

I drive a lot. (2 years – 95,000 miles and counting.) and sometimes 15 hours or more in the car a day. I started developing a bad habit of drinking lots of redbull. I heard it gives you wings, and I would like to stop driving. Also because it helps keep you awake. I used to hate redbull but now when I’m tired of driving, Red Bull is an orgasm in a can. I’m pretty sure something THAT spectacular can’t be good for you. It can’t be. Nothing that feels good or tastes good, is good for you. Salad is good for you. News flash. Nobody likes salad. You know who likes Salad? My parents. and guess what they’re old and dying. That’s why they like salad. Your parents are you in the future. That’s what you’re gonna look like, that’s what you’re gonna act like. You’re gonna wake up at 6am one day, complain about your back and hate your kids music too. Life in general is about compromise. I don’t want to eat Salad. But I will if it means I don’t die at 30.

Red Bull even knows it. On the back of the can it says “Don’t drink Red Bull if you’re pregnant.” – How is that legal? If this can kill a baby, why is it ok for me? I’m pretty sure whatever can kill a baby will also kill me. I am not the standard. Pregnant women are tough. You have a life growing inside of you. That’s tough. A strong breeze will knock me over. I get sad if an audience doesn’t laugh at my jokes. I’m not difficult to take out.

There should be more to this idea, I just haven’t thought of it yet. It did well at open mic tonight, so I thought I’d post it.