My Mom’s First Joke


I know I know, stop ragging on your mom. This post isn’t a bad post. This is a proud son, passing on my mom’s first joke. My mother is wonderful and has her own ways, but she’s not really well known for grasping complicated things like humor or email. She will cook a hell of a meal and do your taxes though. Don’t get me started on how she’s been bugging me for 6 months to write down my mileage. Now I have to go back and google the distance from my house to each comedy club and write down how many miles I drove so that I can write it off. Which I’ve already done, but I only saved the final number, not the number of each gig. So many things to do, so little time. Plus I just booked a couple shows next week in Utah and Idaho, so my no winter driving goal is broken. I tried. I really tried. Anyway. My moms joke: She sent me a joke today that she claims she and her best friend wrote that she’s extremely proud of and it was actually funny. Now I’ve taken some liberties and condensed it into workable form and cut out the extra words to make it smoother but the setup and punchline is all hers: “I’ve decided when I die, I want to be creamated and have my ashes spread over the ocean. So just book me on any dreamliner flight and the lawsuit settlement can be your inheritance.” LOOK OUT, FOLKS! BAM! Hard hitting. Great joke, mother. Look out Jay Leno! Make way for another person that’s too old to be on TV and doesn’t know how to write a joke! BAM. See what I did there? I actually used to like Leno, but I’ve found myself more of a Jimmy Kimmel fan when it comes to Late Night. Anyway, that’s not important. Congratulations, mum. Back to taxes.  

Beat Up Old Jetliner

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