Family

My proud Republican cousin said she likes to raid her moms pantry when she comes home from college. I told her to earn her own and stop taking handouts like some kind of liberal hippie. I got the worst glare. She’s become easier to talk to recently. She said “Well, now I’m working for a libertarian candidate so that’s kind of better.” She also explained how easy it is for her to get a job because … she’s a young woman. They jump at the chance to have someone of her kind working for them because they typically hate women, but they need to show the rest of the world. “HEY LOOK AT US! WOMEN ARE PEOPLE TOO!” – She said the first thing they told her was to buy a bunch of derby hats. So they can show her off.

She’s amazingly self aware. Maybe she’s just smarter than all of us? She picked a job where she KNEW she would flourish easily. Meanwhile I’m emailing comedy clubs across the country for $300 gigs that cost $600 to travel to.

Are any republicans hiring? I’m available for $301 a weekend.