I haven’t blogged in a few days. I talked to my dad recently, he said he hadn’t read in a week, so I figured he wouldn’t miss anything.

Here’s the thing, I have been exhausted. I know celebrities check into the hospital for exhaustion when it’s really just a codeword for “drug abuse”. I’m not on drugs. I literally had a packed schedule. I’ve been gone and even when I’ve been home, I’ve been waking up early for Dentist appointments, and other important appointments we’ll talk about in a future blog.

I don’t have an addiction to sleeping pills. I don’t think I will ever need them. My body is a loosely tuned machine. My body loves the sleep. I am keenly aware of my cycle. I can crash almost on cue. I’ve even been taking naps during the day.

I think people don’t think comedy is that much work. Mentally it’s a marathon. 30 minutes. two shows. That’s an hour of non stop talking. There’s no sidekick. Just silence. You and the microphone. Tough stuff. Not to mention the fact that before I even got home, I was driving all over the country for 7 out of the last 8 weeks. I was the Us Government of borrowing energy to pay off later. I just hit a wall over the weekend. Combined with the shows and the appointments and waking up early and naps before the show. I just said screw the blog, nobody cares anyway.

The thing about driving for 15 hours in a row. People ask me what it’s like. It’s like being an astronaut. You’re cut off from humanity. You’ve got a mission. Every few hours you get a phone call from mission control. Someone checking in. but when you finally get to the destination. You’ve been sitting for 15 hours. Stops every few hours for gas and a pee. but you’ve gotta get home, you can’t lolligag. You’re an astronaut. You’re weak and muscles have been wasting away from lack of use. It’s hard to stand up. Like one of those movies where at the end of the epic battle the hero wants to just go into a 3 month long coma. He wakes up with a pretty girl next to him. That part never happens.

Instead I wake up in my room with my lil wayne poster (The inspiration for like 17 of my jokes. It’s only right to pay homage. lol.) and my erasable whiteboard with my To Do list of clubs to email and people who still owe me money. I also remember I’m not in a mansion with stuffed lions. I’m in a room I found on Craigslist. People live here that I don’t talk to. I only leave the room to leave the house or to refuel supplies in my room for the next 40 days. So even when I’m home, I’m still like an astronaut.

This blog idea was much funnier when I wrote it down a few days ago. Maybe I’m still in a mental coma. Luckily, my schedule is pretty light the next few weeks. I have a weekend off before I do a few one nighters where I can goof around and try out some new ideas I was working on. Then I go to Hawaii with my family. Then I come back and start the grind all over again. I spent so much time just getting by financially and stacking up check to check. I busted my ass to book myself out for so many months in a row, setting up the tour, getting nervous about the tour. Now I’ve got a little cushion. I deserve to enjoy the fruits of my labor. “People never get the flowers while they can still smell them.” For now. (see next blog. Yes. I plan them out.)

The astronaut analogy may be pretty funny on stage. Going where no man has gone before… idaho!

Someone has a joke about “My to do list is just the names of women and drugs I haven’t done yet.” I wish I could credit that person. It’s a really good one. They’re probably in the hospital right now… for exhaustion.

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