A Long Stupid Post About Emotions That Isn’t Very Funny

I started to write this on facebook, but whatever. I usually try to be funny on there, and here sometimes too, but nobody reads this stuff so what does it matter.

Sometimes I just want to be serious and talk about my emotions. Comedians are people too. Kind of.

I had this “moment” before I left for my 13 week trip. I’ve always blamed my career for not being able to be in a serious relationship, and it’s a great excuse, you should try it sometime. but there was a girl that I was kinda interested in before and she was dating someone else and I felt like I lost out, but we were still friends on facebook and she was always tagging pictures and I secretly wanted them to break up because I’m allergic to other people’s happiness but he was a good looking guy, so I wasn’t too bummed out, it wasn’t like she settled for something instead of me, you never want to see a girl go after an ugly guy and be like “aww that was totally mine to lose.” She would always check in on facebook at like an applebees “With the best boyfriend EVARRR” – I’m like aww that’s all it takes? I coulda done applebees once in a while.

But as I do, I moved on immediately, and now she’s single and hitting me up and whatever. I don’t have a joke for that part of my brain yet. I sometimes forget to not tell my parents every thing going on, because they over react. If I tell them I have a crush, they think its serious. Or they’re so eager for me to be with anybody, they just hope it’s something more than it is. The closest thing I’ve got is that scene from Men In Black. Will Smith is running around shooting shit:

Kay: We do not discharge our weapons in view of the public!

: Man, we ain’t got time for this cover-up bullshit! I don’t know whether or not you’ve forgotten, but there’s an Arquillian Battle Cruiser that’s about to…

Kay: There’s always an Arquillian Battle Cruiser, or a Corillian Death Ray, or an intergalactic plague that is about to wipe out all life on this miserable little planet, and the only way these people can get on with their happy lives is that they DO NOT KNOW ABOUT IT!

Lol. Well in this case. My heart is Will Smith, and my brain is like “Shut up, you’re going to ruin their life!” – That sentence isn’t that funny but the comparison idea makes me laugh so far. I have no idea how to make that something that works on stage, but that’s usually the first step. Find out what makes me laugh. Try it. When it doesn’t work. Go back to the drawing board.

Anyway. here comes the mushy part. At several parts of the tour I found myself lonely and wishing I wasn’t in Arkansas or something. One night I was at the Comedy Condo on a tuesday. Which is the worst. Because Monday still has football and you can still live off the excitement of a Sunday show. Tuesday there’s nothing. and it’s still a few days before you have a show or a long drive to distract you from whats in your brain. Anyway, I was bored on the couch and I heard a knock at the door. I got up and I ran to the door and opened it and nobody was there. It was the ice machine and I was just lonely.

So I decided some things aren’t as important as other things. Money is paper, who cares. I’m the most financially stable I’ve been in many years. Partly because I don’t pay rent anywhere right now but besides the point. I was doing good the last year too. My checking and savings accounts have a comma. Stop hoarding money like you’ll never get another job ever. People are important. Relationships. Not necessarily in the traditional boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but perhaps for the first time in many years. Maybe not necessarily not relationships. but more just about friends and relatives and family and people. I want to spend time with people because those things are things you can’t get back. Yeah my career is still coming in first, but hopefully it’s going to be a closer finish this year.

(Grumpy Cat by elguapo6 on deviantART, available under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial license.)

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