Marijuana is Legal in Washington now.

I thought about trying some legal weed just to remember why I don’t smoke it. lol. Does that make sense? I’m so stupid. I know I hate it, but I haven’t even tried it in at least 6 years. I feel like I’m missing out. I need to be reminded. It’s a lot like the stock market. Where it was good for like 50 years. They everyone is like “Why do we have all these stupid rules and regulations?” So they got rid of the rules. Then they started fucking everything up and the stock market crashes the whole economy and people are like “Oh yeah. That’s why we have those rules.”

I don’t know many people that do pot. Let me rephrase that. I’m a comedian, I know TONS of people who smoke pot. I just don’t like a lot of them. I would only consider one of them a good friend. He’s the exception to the rule though. He is one of the most reliable comedians I know. He’s the only legitimate stoner I know that is on time, is a nice person, and responsible. He works hard, he’s funny and he’s a great guy. So it makes me think, there is no excuse for the rest of these people. Maybe I could enjoy some weed. I don’t know. I don’t think it’s any worse than alcohol or tobacco. So if we’re going to have those legal, why not pot? Plus, the government could use the tax income. I hate alcoho21324764_BG1l too. I’ve learned to enjoy it somewhat responsibly, but if I think I could, I wouldn’t drink at all. There are maybe a couple times a year where I have a couple drinks with a friend and I have a small buzz and I don’t do anything stupid and I sleep it off and I feel great.

Other than that, I pretty much only drink when I’m trying to get laid. Alcohol makes you stupid and there is no reason for me to ever want to dumb myself down. Except when I’m talking to women, because they hurt my brain. lol. Alcohol makes me stupid which is effective around women, because sober me is like “Dude, there’s no way she would ever talk to you.” and alcohol influenced me is like “Why wouldn’t she talk to me? I’m amazing.” Now there are limits, I don’t drink and drive. I have a lot in the past. I was an idiot. I could have hurt myself or other people. I try not to think about that. Now I need my car. I’ve gotten pulled over three times for “suspicion of DUI”. Two of the times was when I had a couple of drinks (like 2 or 3), and I blew a .04 both times which was half the limit. I knew I wasn’t drunk, but I had a buzz and I just did something dumb, like not stopping all the way at a stop sign or not using my turn signal. Both those times the cop just said “park your car, walk to a dennys for an hour and I won’t give you a ticket.” Which was incredibly lucky.

One time I got pulled over when I wasn’t even drinking at all. Which is impressive and awkward because the cop is like “That guy is hammered” and I’m like “no, I’m just an idiot.” – This is a common theme though. Sidebar story. One time, I think it was like 12th grade even. I was in a class with a different kid named “Andrew” and we sat next to each other. One day on a test, I wrote his last name down on my test paper instead of my name on accident. We got completely different answers for questions. I got a C, he got an A. and the teacher wrote a note about copying on my paper. I was like, if I was going to cheat, would I copy his name? I’m not an idiot, I’m just … an idiot. I think I look back and realize my head was just always thinking of other things. I was constantly scheming for something. I still am. Something is always going on in my head. Some part of my master plan. I don’t know what I was planning in high school.

I wasn’t dumb, I just didn’t care. Comedy was the first thing that made me care. I think I’ve had this conversation on here before. It’s like those stupid quotes that are like “It takes 86 muscles to frown and 42 to smile. So smile instead of frown.” It takes twice as much effort to avoid doing the work and just look busy as it does to actually do the work. If I would have figured that out earlier and learned to do something worth while instead of being a comedian. Maybe I could have a normal life. I hope there’s re-incarnation. I want another shot at life. lol. I already fucked this one up. I’m 28 years in and I’m angry that I didn’t figure things out that some people never figure out. Way to go, Andrew. I get angry when I see people younger than me getting it. That’s the toughest thing about being a sports fan. LeBron James is like 27 years old. He’s worth a billion dollars because he had good genetics and learned how to play basketball at a young age.

Anyway – You’ll see that a lot on this blog. “anyway” enough with whatever that was. I feel like I could talk myself out of a DUI. The cop pulls me over, “Have you been drinking.” “Yes, but only because she wouldn’t fuck me in the car.” Lol. I’m hilarious.
Anyway there’s big chunks of this that aren’t funny. But blogging for me is taking a funny idea and just ranting on it. Then taking 2 or 3 sentences and putting those on stage. At least I’m writing, and it’s another blog that has nothing to do with masturbation. You’re welcome, dad!