Fuck Me Pumps Part 2
I have gone from hating this bit, to being ok with it. It’s very dirty and feels a little cheap. Granted I think it’s pretty clever, but it’s also feels easy. If I say “fuck me sunglasses” I bet the audience will laugh. It doesn’t seem to matter.
Last night I did a show with one of my favorite local headliners. Who is very family friendly and a clean comic as well. I did the joke, he came up afterward and said “great set” and said he really liked the new bit and gave me a couple ideas to expand on it without using the F word. So I started writing. This is what I’m thinking so far.
Ladies. You don’t need a special pair of shoes for us. We probably don’t notice. If you really want sex. You can have it. As a matter of fact. I don’t think I’ve ever even turned down sex. and I’m not bragging … there’s been a few that I wish I had. I’ve never gone: “Ah. Not tonight honey. I’ve got a headache.” It usually goes “What’s that? You want to touch it? I hope it takes care of this headache.”
It’s just proof that men and women think completely different. For example. My last car. The one that got stolen. I had nice rims, tinted windows. I thought it was badass. I thought it would help me get girls. Nothing. Just a couple homeless people looking for a joyride. My new car 2010 Toyota Corolla. I’ve gotten more compliments in three months than I’ve gotten in three years with my old car. I’ve come the conclusion. Women are just attracted to smart decisions. They don’t care about your rims. They’re like “Wait is that 35 miles per gallon?” – “Rated #1 consumer best buy! HOTTTT!”
Finally a place for THAT bit that always works. Just proof to keep writing about everything. The setlist becomes such a puzzle. One piece just needs another to set it up correctly before it all makes sense.