Archive for October, 2011

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The Notebook

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3 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I was talking to this girl recently. She was 25 and she told me that she has never had alcohol before in her life. When she told me that I had no confidence that I could ever get her to sleep with me. That’s my only move. Get em drunk and hope for the best. [...]
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#occupymyparentsbasement

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3 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
My friend Adam and I were talking. He’s driving across the country to Iowa to do a showcase for colleges and we were writing together. He had a joke idea and he wanted me to do it at open mic because he was driving. Adam’s joke was “I’m 25 and I’m not as political as [...]
Would you put this kid in charge of your life?

The Treadmill of Life

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3 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I was listening to WHAT THE FUCK with Marc Maron and his guest was actor Bryan Cranston. A very talented actor from Malcom in the Middle and the current star of Breaking Bad. Marc asked how he got into acting and if it was something he always wanted to do. He talked about how he [...]
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Updated Biography

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3 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
For some reason I must have written my bio when I was still drinking. Many grammatical errors and phrasing problems later. I decided to re write it. Sober. I hope you like it. Andrew Rivers was on a path to success working at a marketing agency before it all came crashing down with the stock [...]
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Free Mustache Rides

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3 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
The issue of my age gets addressed quite regularly in my act at this point. I am 26. I don’t look like it and I’m cool with it. I like how I look. It’s still fun to make fun of though. The other day I was with a friend shopping for Halloween costumes and she [...]
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Real Life Superheros

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3 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
  “Phoenix Jones” the Seattle Superhero got arrested. Good. Stop being an idiot. You’re a giant black man in a costume with body armor, pepper spraying drunk bitches at 2 in the morning. Of course angry Russian dudes are gonna throw rocks at you. If you were pepper spraying my hookers, I’d be angry too.
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