Archive for May, 2011

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The Airport stole my toothpaste

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8 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
Most of the time, my baller drug dealer lifestyle limits me to taking a car everywhere. However recently I flew to Kodiak, Alaska. It had been a while since I flew somewhere so I wasn’t up to date on the safety regulations. I had some issues. Leaving Seattle, I expected all these x ray machines [...]
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Prison won’t let me sell a CD

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8 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I have some amazing gigs coming up (not really). One run of shows is going to be at the Walla Walla State Penitentiary for prisoners. For normal gigs I sell CD’s after the show. Not open mics. but real shows. Not that I’m opposed to it. I have them in the car if you really [...]
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My Roommate thinks I sell drugs.

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8 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
Last night I got home from a trip to Kodiak, Alaska at around 1. Jet lagged. Tired. Smelly. I just hit the sack. My new roommate (old guy moved out) is very sociable and annoying. She has friends over a lot. She’s loud. Especially at night. No respect for the 10pm quiet time hours that [...]
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My Brother Has an Assistant

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8 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
We’ve covered previously how my brother has become a successful business man lately. The context is important. I’ve known he’s had an assistant but the other day it just hit me. My brother has an assistant.   The other day I called my brother on his cell phone. His assistant picked up the phone because [...]
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You’re Getting So Big!

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8 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
When people I know start having kids, besides my one night stands. I’m going to make it a personal goal to never tell them how much they’ve grown and how I remember when they were this tall. I always thought that was awkward as a kid. Yeah. I grew. Surprise. I’m 14. That’s what happens. [...]
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Pornstar Tattoo’s

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8 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I just realized today that one of my favorite pornstars has a space needle tattoo. I think there’s many things wrong with this, but mostly the fact that I have a favorite porn star. Now that I’m noticing her tattoos, maybe it’s time to find a new one. I’m sure she’ll be disappointed. I want [...]
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Red Flags

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8 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
You ever look back on a relationship and wonder how you missed all the red flags? For example. I was with a girl. We weren’t dating but I would say we were close. She would probably disagree. but I would always joke around and she would always laugh and say ‘I hate you.’ (I know! [...]
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Surprise Birthday Party

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8 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
My friend wants to throw her 90 year old grandpa a surprise birthday party. I was like I’m sure you can just throw him a regular party and he’ll be surprised enough. I bet he wakes up surprised every day. “Holy Shit. I’m still not dead? Cool.” I think that’s the easiest surprise party ever. [...]
 

Osama Bin Laden Nagged to Death

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8 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
Unless you’re living under a rock (like Osama Bin Laden wasn’t! see what I did there? ha!) You may have heard that Osama Bin Laden was killed yesterday First off. What a badass story. It makes me feel proud to be a 3rd prestige on Call of Duty Black Ops right now. The weird thing [...]
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