Archive for February, 2011

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Bad Dreams

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11 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
Sometimes you have good dreams. Sometimes you have bad dreams. Sometimes you have weird dreams. A girl once told me she had a dream we were hanging out and she took a shower and I didn’t even try to grab her boobs. She seemed upset about it too. I was like let me grab your [...]

Zoltar wants you to put it in his mouth

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11 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I was hanging with my brother today. Making myself feel bad for a while. I felt excited that today I made $100 instead of the normal $50. He told me about six figure deals he made. We watched some AppleTV and the movie “Big” There was some great comedy in that movie. There’s a scene [...]
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Valentines Day

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11 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
Hello. Sorry I’ve been neglecting the writing process of this blog a little lately. Lots of driving and working on trying to fill in my schedule and replace certain dates here and there. It’s Valentines day. And since I’m the LOVE GURU. It deserves a little update on my love life. IM SINGLE. Surprised? Me [...]

Creatures of Habit

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11 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I seriously love the house I live in. I’m so sad I’m moving out. My 80 year old roommate is now puking in the bathroom, which for some reason carries the sound directly to my room with no problem, so every morning when he has explosive diarrhea, I can wake up to a lovely sound [...]
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New Video

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11 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
Probably my best video and one of my best sets ever. Everything hit like it’s supposed to, crowd work happened. Not much stumbling.. A little messed up by the guy’s cellphone going off during my Muscle Milk bit. It kinda screwed up my rhythm on the joke and wording. I quickly got back though. Plus. [...]
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The Free Clinic

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11 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I went to the doctor recently. I hate going to the doctor. I am whatever the opposite of a hypochondriac is. I was gonna look it up and see if there was an official term, but I was like ah it’s probably nothing. Last week, I noticed a small bump on my scrotum. Some things [...]
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Carz Remix

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11 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I’m a Sir Mix-A-Lot fan since baby got back. I was so excited to see a great song come out from him that’s recent because as much flak as he gets for being a one hit wonder. He had many great songs and some good albums back in the day. I have an obsession with [...]
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Landslide Area Ahead

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11 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I was traveling lately and I saw another interesting road sign. “possible landslides the next 24 miles.” I know what that means, but I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do about it. Do I put the car in landslide mode and then it turns into the giant drill car from the ninja turtles*. Maybe [...]
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Visiting the Parents

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11 months ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
My mom just gave me a book of card tricks, a $25 gas card and $4.50 in coins. Which means she still has no idea what I do for a living but she knows there’s no money in it. Visiting my mom is like visiting a time share. You’ll get an hour long lecture you’re [...]
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