Archive for December, 2010

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White Rep

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1 year ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
Adam Norwest and I and a couple other people put together this funny viral video. Expect to see some more of these in the near future. White Rep – By Cellular Wireless – watch more funny videos
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You Deserve It!

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1 year ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
The other night I happened to meet a nice girl and I was telling my friend about it the next day. He goes “That’s good. I hope she turns out to be a good girl. You deserve it!” Well. Thanks for making me feel like I’m in the make a wish foundation. What am I [...]
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The Real Snowmaggeddon

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1 year ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
This is a photo taken from the MSNBC website that someone submitted. The user is from New Jersey.  (Sidebar: I hope some of those F@#KS from the Jersey Shore are buried alive in there.) Attention Seattle Residents. THIS IS A REAL BLIZZARD. Two inches doesn’t count (obligatory: That’s what she said!). It’s not a state [...]
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Toot it and Boot it

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1 year ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
Running out of ways to avoid doing an entire 20 minutes on horrible rap music. There’s a new song out called “toot it and boot it.” I think it’s supposed to be the new slang for “Hit it and Quit it.” Which. If you are. Can’t you come up with something besides “toot”? I have [...]
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F*#k Me Pumps

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1 year ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I know I normally keep it family friendly on here but I couldn’t avoid this topic, and there’s no way to clean it up because saying “eff me pumps” would be really lame. So if you’re offended by dirty words, then stop typing them into google. CJ’s blog has finally jumped the shark. He’s now [...]
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BarneysList

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1 year ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I have a friend who keeps a list of every girl he’s ever slept with in his wallet. Which I would never do. What happens if your girlfriend finds it. And I don’t need a list to keep track of 3 girls. It’s not that difficult. But he was showing me this list the other [...]
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Seattle and Winter Weather

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1 year ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I had this bit in my head ever since WINTER DISASTER EPIC FAIL SEATTLE 2010 OMG WTF SNOWMAGEEDDON happened a few weeks back. Then I was driving through spokane for my show and it was snowing like crazy. So I figured, why not open on the new bit. If it could work at any point, [...]
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A Homeless man stole my car

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1 year ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
Today I was fretting. It was clean comedy night at Tacoma Comedy Club. I had to do 5 minutes hosting without anything suggestive, dirty, gross, swearing, or even slightly offensive. Not just your typical “Hey. Don’t swear or be vulgar.” No sexual material. Nothing. I started glancing at my setlist. That sort of limited my [...]
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Quiznos

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1 year ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I rediscovered an old joke. I’ve been using it again almost word for word. (albeit with a much greater stage presence and confidence.): I was at quiznos the other day, and this guy in line in front of me goes “Hey. Would you mind if I bought your sandwhich for you?” I was like “uhhh. [...]
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I’m the opposite of a hypochondriac

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1 year ago
by Andrew J Rivers in
I think I’m whatever the opposite of a hypochondriac is. I was gonna look it up and see if it was a real medical condition, but I was like “it’s probably nothing.” A hypochondriac is someone who thinks they have some serious medical conditions when they really don’t. They go to the doctor all the [...]
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